LIFE SKILLS V: THE POWER OF ONEFreedom in Singleness
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (NLT)
32 In everything you do, I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man can’t do that so well. He has to think about his
We live in a world today where “more is better.” This is very obvious when it comes to material possessions. People are happier if they own two cars instead of one, have a three-bedroom house instead of a studio apartment, or possess 10 pairs of shoes instead of only one pair.
This principle of “more is better” has been carried over to human relationships as well. Now, some of the reasons why are for advantageous motives. For example, if you are moving to a new place it is much easier and more efficient to have five of your friends help you instead of moving everything on your own. In fact, when it comes to friendships, it is beneficial to have many trustworthy friends whom you can lean on versus not having a single friend at all.
This idea of “more is better” is clearly seen when we talk about marriage. We always talk about the healthy benefits of having a husband or wife who can encourage us, strengthen us, challenge us, and build us up to become a better servant for Christ and to become a solid mature human being. The church heavily promotes marriage as the best thing a person can ever experience outside of his or her devotion to God. We believe that everybody needs to have a partner in life to find significance and self-worth.
But, what about the single person? If a person is not married does that mean he or she has less worth than a married person? Obviously the answer is a resounding “No!” Unfortunately, society in general, and the church specifically, fails to honor the value of singleness. We instinctively think that if somebody is single that person is lonely or something is wrong with that individual. A single person is looked down upon as an incomplete human being who is unable to enjoy the full benefit of life unless he or she has a life-long partner. It is extremely sad to hear about many churches who demand that their pastors are married so that the pastor can fully grasp what life is truly all about. Would Jesus have been qualified to be a pastor at a church today given his single status? This is indeed a sad testimony.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 addresses the issue of singleness. The passage does not determine whether being single is better than being married, or vice versa. Instead, the text teaches us the value and worth of a single person and the advantages a single person has when it comes to serving God. The hope of the message today is to encourage the single person to understand his or her position in Christ and the opportunities he or she has in living out a life that is pleasing to God.
Paul starts off by teaching the church at Corinth that in everything they do they need “to be free from the concerns of this life.” (verse 32) Why? Because in order to give one’s best to God one needs to have as few distractions as possible. (verse 35) The first point is this:
1. Singleness is one way we can reduce distractions in order to serve God more effectively.
We are not saying that singleness is the only way to become spiritually effective. We are also not advocating that singleness is better than being married. Here Paul is pointing to a common-sense principle: the amount of obligations we have in life will affect our time and effort when it comes to serving God. An unmarried person does not need to worry about the well-being of a spouse, whereas a married person does. Being single means a person has fewer responsibilities and thus can commit that extra time and energy to serving the Lord.
I can speak on this first-hand. I am a married man; I’ve been married for over a year now. Before I was married I had a lot of flexible time to serve God. I could have discipleship any time of the day. I can spend time with people without looking at my watch all the time. I can go on trips with the students without worrying about a spouse at home.
My life has changed once I got married. Now I have an added responsibility to take care of my wife. One way I do this is to be at home at night and spend time with her. I can no longer stay out late with other people. I have to do more chores at home, which creates less time for me to be involved in other ministry activities. Whenever a ministry opportunity arises I would need to consult with my wife and see what her thoughts are. Simply put, I have more things that I am responsible for that a single person does not have to think about.
Being single provides a person with a single focus towards God, whereas a married person has a double focus, one on God and one on his or her family. There is nothing wrong with being married. It’s just that a married person has different priorities than a single person. Singleness allows a person the flexibility to do God’s work and have a single-minded focus in accomplishing God’s purpose.
It is clear that a single person does not have to be responsible for a spouse or family. Less distractions in life lets a person give their best to serving God. Here is the second point:
2. Singleness offers more opportunities to serve the Lord.
Paul mentions that an unmarried man, because of fewer distractions in caring for a family, can use that extra time to serve and please God. An unmarried woman can also devote her time for God’s work in body and spirit. A married man and woman, on the other hand, do not have as much opportunities to serve God because they have added responsibilities to please their spouses as well. The interests of a single person can be single-minded, whereas that of a married person is divided.
Again, this is a common-sense principle. The fewer responsibilities you have, the more time and energy you can exert to serve God. A person who has to take care of a spouse, work to feed his family, pay bills, and maintain his house and cars will have less opportunities to serve God than somebody who is single and does not have all of these added responsibilities. The life of a single person, generally speaking, is much less complex than that of a married person. A single person can pack up and go on a road trip with the youth group on a single’s notice, whereas a married person cannot readily do that. A single person can stay much later after care group and pray for people, whereas a married person might need to go home earlier to his or her spouse and children. The point is evident: singles have more time, and thus more opportunities, to do more things for the Lord.
Now, having more opportunities and actually living out those opportunities are two different things. Though it is true that singles are more available to serve God, it does not mean that they will actually live out their lives for God. Many times the amount of opportunities found in a single’s life becomes a detriment to serving the Lord. When we have a lot of time on our hands, it is tempting to use that time for ourselves; we become spiritually lazy and do nothing for God at all. This should not be. All of our lives must be given over to God, including our time, energy, and flexible lives. Being available should not be squandered in busyness, schoolwork, career, etc. Instead, being single affords you more opportunities to care for God’s people; use your time for God’s work so that he could be pleased with you. (verse 32)
Again, this message is not to prove whether being single is better than being married, or vice-versa. Instead, it wants to encourage those of you who are single that you are very valuable to God. Many people believe that finding a partner in life will bring completion to their lives. This is not true at all. Marriage does not bring completion; only through a personal relationship with God will each of us find completion. This leads us to our final point:
3. Whether we are single or married, we find true completion only in Jesus Christ.
Marriage, in and of itself, cannot give you true fulfillment. Our purpose in life can only be found in an active relationship with God. Why do you think over half of marriages, including Christian marriages, end up in divorce? Marriage does not guarantee your life will be filled with peace and hope.
For those of you who are single, the most important thing in your life is your walk with God, not whether you will find a spouse or not. You must purposefully seek God out and ask if marriage is part of his plan for you. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Whatever it is, it does not make you a better or worse person than anybody else. Marriage does not make you a good person, anymore than being single makes you a bad person. Being married or staying single is looked at by God equally; what he is more concerned about is your personal devotion to him. And God knows which option, whether marriage or singleness, will help you grow spiritually.
This means that if you are single, recognize that you are valuable to God and you can be used by him to make a difference here on earth. You are no less a person just because you are single. Remember, you have more opportunities to accomplish great things from God; spend your time doing God’s work and thinking about how to please him. You are less distracted that a married person to focus single-handedly on serving the Lord and his people. And your relationship with God will afford you true completion that nothing else in this world, including marriage, can give you.
Here are two applications that we can employ in our lives when it comes to singleness:
1. Being single gives you freedom to love everybody equally.
When it comes to love, a married person is automatically biased towards his or her spouse and children first. Even if his or her family made a mistake towards somebody else, a married person must still stand by his or her family and support them in love; this may not necessarily be the case if the love is directed towards another family that is not yours.
But, a single person can manage to love everybody equally because he or she has no close ties with anybody else. A single person can love all of the children at church in the same manner, whereas parents will naturally side with their own children first. There is freedom for a single person to make a difference in a Christian community that a married person may not have. You have the power to make a change in people’s lives because you are not tied down to anybody else.
2. Being single gives you freedom to achieve personal healing in your life.
Many of us need the time in life to grow up and find out who we are in Christ. Being married may not give you the space needed to do this. Some of us need to deal with emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual issues, and part of the healing process is time and space for us to be restored. This is hard to accomplish if we have a spouse to worry about, children to take care of, etc. God wants each of us to be made whole in all areas of life. Who knows, being single at this juncture of your life may be a blessed thing for you; by being made whole now you will be a much stronger individual in the future if God calls you to in fact get married and raise an family. Use this time to grow as a person and understand the unique purpose of God in your life.
In summary, there is power found in being single. Do not believe you are much better off if you are married. God can still use your single lifestyle to accomplish great things through you. What is of greater significance for you is your willingness to surrender your life over to him. Do God’s work and pursue the things that please him. Be single-minded in your focus and devotion to him. Take advantage of your opportunities to make a difference and do not let any of life’s distractions hinder you from fulfilling God’s purpose in your life. Use the freedom found in singleness to devote your whole life to Jesus.
© Arthur Hsu (2003)