Deep down, we all desire to have good, intimate and satisfying relationships, no matter what culture you are from. It is because God said from the beginning that it is not good for man and woman to be alone.

But in spite that universal longing in each of us to have satisfying relationships—we discover that it is not easy. We see broken relationships everywhere.

Today is the 4th in a series called Life Skills. And the reason it is a skill is because there are many qualities that are needed in this life that we do not naturally possess or you may not have had the opportunity to develop growing up. Today, we are going to talk about the skills necessary to cultivate the intimate relationships that matter in our lives. It could be your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, or even your close family members. Now some of you will immediately ask—but I don’t have someone special in my life now—this topic is not relevant to me. I cannot disagree more—because when problems in marriage or relationship occur at the very end, it is often difficult to change; the time to change is at the beginning end, when things are preventable.

The best time to learn about such things are when you are younger so that you can save yourself from as much frustrations as possible. Don’t you think so?

There is no such thing as a problem marriage, only problem people who get married.

We live in a world where people have lost value in marriages
Matthew 19:5-6 (NLT)
And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' [6] Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together."

Ruth 1:9 (Living)
And may he bless you with another happy marriage."

Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

When two people get married, they bring together with them all their past hurts, emotional baggage, unrealistic expectations and unresolved issues into the relationship. In marriages and relationships are often the best places to grow in character—but it would be better if we grow in character before that. Often, when things don’t work out in a relationship—we tend to blame the other person. We have to recognize that we all need to work hard to build a good, solid, God-centered and satisfying relationship by refining your own character and building each other up.

1 Thes. 5:11 (NLT)
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

1. Purpose in your heart to prioritize your relationship with God above any other relationship.
What has this got to do with any relationship or marriage? None of us have all the strength and wisdom needed to grow a strong and satisfying relationship. Everyone of us has limited love. “Every relationship – even good ones – have conflict. If you don't know how to deal with it, how to resolve it, how to manage it, you can kill your relationship.” A person who already has a relationship with God naturally knows how to connect to an endless source of strength and love. But without God—when things go wrong—you go to books and seminars—books, seminars and counseling, very good as they are cannot give you more love and more strength. A person who does not know God is helpless when prolonged conflict comes. So for example—if you love someone without God—all you have is your limited love; but with God, its you + God’s endless and supernatural love.

Psalm 46:1 (NIV)
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

2. Cultivate Communication Skills
The lack of communication skills is one of the biggest killers in relationships and marriages. Talking is not necessarily communication.

a. Taking an active, proactive interest in the other person’s interest.
Philip. 2:4 (NLT)
Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.

b. Learn to Listen Carefully
Proverbs 18:13 (Msg)
Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.

Proverbs 18:15 (Msg)
Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights.

3. Cultivate friendship within the marriage or relationship

Song 5:16 (NIV)
His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

Do you know that our relationship with God is partially a friendship? In John 15:15, He says—I call you friends; this is seen when Jesus asks Peter this question—Peter, do you love me, then feed my sheep; Peter, do you like me. In the same way, learn to be friends with in your significant relationships.

4. Have a life outside each other
Sometimes when couples get together, they end up only living for each other. They live and breathe only for each other—and this is so unhealthy.
Your wife or husband will never be able to meet the needs of your total person. That is why God gave all of us friends, family and wonderful distractions…

a. Friends
Friends are a gift from God. They are wonderful resources and a source of joy. Even the best marriages and relationships have conflicts and sometimes, the relationship cannot handle any more pressure—friends are a blessing especially at this point.

Proverbs 27:10 (NLT)
Never abandon a friend—either yours or your father's. Then in your time of need, you won't have to ask your relatives for assistance. It is better to go to a neighbor than to a relative who lives far away.

Also, having regular friendships give you perspective about life that you cannot see in your relationship. Not only that but when one person has joy in friendship, that strength and energy in brought back into the relationship as a blessing to both persons.

b. Hobbies and interests.
While you first priority is your responsibility to the other person, remember that God has also made you a unique individual with gifts and talents to cultivate and enjoy. Develop and use them to the glory of God…

5. Seek out and listen to Godly counsel and accept discipline
There will be times when difficulties come and you have no answers. Just be humble and get help—rather than holding on to pride and living with a broken relationship. Get counseling or seek people with wisdom and experience in this area. And then do what you need to do. Remember that we all have sin and unresolved areas in our lives

Psalm 37:30 (NLT)
The godly offer good counsel; they know what is right from wrong.

Proverbs 19:20 (Msg)
Take good counsel and accept correction—that's the way to live wisely and well.

Psalm 119:40 (Msg)
See how hungry I am for your counsel; preserve my life through your righteous ways!